--- description: An American mom finds some surprising habits title: How To Parent Like a German image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltf490e1db8bc207a9/698780cce53abafa664d7c02/parent-german.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Living](/tag/time-section-living/) ## Living Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # How to Parent Like a German  by [Sara Zaske](/author/sara-zaske/)  ## Sara Zaske Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Feb 24, 2015 8:37 PM CUT  Hispanic mother rushing son to school Hispanic mother rushing son to schoolGetty Images  by [Sara Zaske](/author/sara-zaske/)  ## Sara Zaske Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Feb 24, 2015 8:37 PM CUT The first time I went to a playground in Berlin, I freaked. All the German parents were huddled together, drinking coffee, not paying attention to their children who were hanging off a wooden dragon 20 feet above a sand pit. Where were the piles of soft padded foam? The liability notices? The personal injury lawyers? “_Achtung! Nein!_” I cried in my bad German. Both kids and parents ignored me. Contrary to stereotypes, most German parents I’ve met are the opposite of strict. They place a high value on independence and responsibility. Those parents at the park weren’t ignoring their children; they were trusting them. Berlin doesn’t need a “free range parenting” movement because free range is the norm. **Here are a few surprising things Berlin parents do:** **Don’t push reading.** Berlin’s kindergartens or “kitas” don’t emphasize academics. In fact, teachers and other parents discouraged me from teaching my children to read. I was told it was something special the kids learn together when they start grade school. Kindergarten was a time for play and social learning. But even in first grade, academics aren’t pushed very hard. Our grade school provides a half-day of instruction interrupted by two (two!) outdoor recesses. But don’t think this relaxed approach means a poor education: According to a [2012 assessment](http://time.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/pisa-2012-results-snapshot-volume-i-eng.pdf "undefined") by the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, German 15-year-olds perform well above the international average when it comes to reading, math and science while their more pressured American counterparts lag behind. **Encourage kids to play with fire.** A note came home from school along with my excited second grader. They were doing a project on fire. Would I let her light candles and perform experiments with matches? Together we lit candles and burned things, safely. It was brilliant. Still, she was the only kid whose parent didn’t allow her to shoot off heavy duty fireworks on New Year’s Eve. **Let children go almost everywhere alone.** Most grade school kids walk without their parents to school and around their neighborhoods. Some even take the subway alone. German parents are concerned about safety, of course, but they usually focus on traffic, not abductions. The facts seem to be on the Germans’ side. Stranger abductions are extremely rare; there were only 115 a year in all of America, according to the most recent U.S. Department of Justice [study](http://www.missingkids.com/KeyFacts#one "undefined"). And walking around without parental supervision, or “independent mobility” as the researchers call it, is good for kids. **Party when school** **_starts_** **.** One of my Berlin friends once told me that the three biggest life events are _Einschulung_ (starting first grade), _Jugendweihe_ (becoming a young adult) and getting married. In Berlin, _Einschulung_ is a huge celebration at the school—on a Saturday!—that includes getting a _Zuckertute—_a giant child-sized cone filled with everything from pencils to watches to candy. Then there’s another party afterwards with your family and friends. _Einschulung_ is something children look forward to for years. It signals a major life change, and hopefully, an enthusiasm for learning. _Jugendweihe_ happens when a child turns 14\. It involves a similar ceremony, party, and gifts, marking the next stage of growing up. With all the negativity heaped on adolescents, there’s something to be said for this way of celebrating young adulthood. **Take the kids outside everyday.** According to a German saying “there is no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing.” The value of outside time is promoted in the schools, hence the “garten” in Kindergarten. It’s also obvious on Berlin’s numerous playgrounds. No matter how cold and grey it gets, and in Berlin it gets pretty cold, parents still bundle their kids up and take them to the park, or send them out on their own. Which brings me back to that dragon—since moving here, I’ve tried to adopt some of the Berlin attitude, and my 8-year-old has climbed all over the dragon. But I still hesitate to let her walk alone in our very urban neighborhood. I’ve taken one small step. I let her go to the bakery by herself. It’s just down the stairs and one door over. The first time she did this, she came back beaming, proudly handing me the rolls she bought herself. I figured there was no need to tell her that her American mother was out on the balcony, watching her the whole time.  TIME _Read next:_ [_Christians and Spanking Culture: How and Why to Stop It_](http://time.com/3707120/christians-spank-culture/?iid=time%5Freadnext "undefined") [_Listen to the most important stories of the day._](http://time.com/newsletter/the-brief/?sl%5Fautoplay=true&xid=spl-fullbrief-article "undefined") ### LIFE With Rock Stars . . . and Their Parents  Frank Zappa in his Los Angeles home with his dad, Francis, his mom, Rosemarie, and his cat in 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  Not published in LIFE. Frank Zappa in his eclectic Los Angeles home with his cat, his dad, Francis and his mom, Rosemarie, in 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  The Jefferson Airplane’s Grace Slick poses with her mother, Virginia Wing, in the living room of the home where she grew up in Palo Alto, California in 1970\. "We raced out there because she was nine months pregnant," remembers Olson. "And the rest of the story took so long to complete, her daughter was a year old when it finally ran." John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  In one of the photos that ultimately ran in LIFE (Olson went back to Palo Alto for a re-shoot), new mom Grace dangles her daughter China by the feet in 1971. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  In 1970 Rose Clapp shows off her tea service and Eric Clapton, her rock-god guitarist grandson, Surrey, England. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  Not published in LIFE. The former Reggie Dwight, later known as Elton John, laughs with his mom Sheila Fairebrother and her husband Fred (whom he affectionately called "Derf," Fred spelled backwards) in their suburban London apartment in 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  David Crosby with his father, 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  Ginger Baker and his mum, 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  Not published in LIFE. Ginger Baker, the Cream and Blind Faith drummer, flashes a rare smile with his mother Ruby Streatfield inside her rowhouse in Bexley, outside London, in 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  Joe Cocker with his mother, 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  Grace steps outside with her mom and little China in 1971\. "Things change so fast, you can't use 1971 ethics on someone born in 1971," Slick said of her daughter. "Whatever she does is going to look far-out to me. I hope I'll either like it or keep my mouth shut." John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  LIFE photographer John Olson sets up to shoot the Jackson 5 in their backyard in 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  Richie Havens with his parents, Brooklyn in 1970\. The musician who opened the show at Woodstock grew up with his folks, Richard and Mildred, in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, but he bought them this home in nearby East Flatbush when his music career took off. The Havenses had nine kids and, as Mrs. Havens told LIFE, "Richie is the only one who's really moved away. I can't get rid of most of them." John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  The Jackson 5 pose with their parents in Encino, Calif., in 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  With their parents standing by, 13-year-old dynamo Michael (front left) and his brothers Jackie, Marlon, Tito and Jermaine straddle their motorbikes by the pool, 1970. John Olson—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images  Not published in LIFE. Scottish folk musician Donovan and his parents, Donald and Winifred Leitch, England in 1970. 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